- Why are you doing this? Why are you choosing to spend $$$ on training, shoes, cold weather gear, gels, 20lb. bags of ice, entry fees. Why are you choosing to get up at 6 or earlier 5 days a week to run, spending three plus hours on Saturdays running long, going to bed early on Fridays, skipping that extra glass of wine or gluten free beer, or not having any at all?
- Will it still matter if you don't achieve your goal? What if you get sick or injured the week before the race, and can't even make it to the start line? What if something happens and you can't finish the race, or don't meet your time goal?
Point One: I love running. Most of my family probably thinks I'm crazy; they'd only run if they were being chased. What do I love about it? I feel at home in my body after and often while running; it often feels more natural to me than walking; it clears my head and makes me a nicer, happier person; I experience cool stuff - like feral monk parakeets at breakfast, the changing colors of the leaves, incredible sunrises, steam rising off the lake, snoozing cormorants, and other creatures. I meet interesting people who can converse in runner's lingo. I also love testing and pushing my physical abilities. I'm pretty naturally athletic, but it wasn't particularly encouraged by my family. In fact, I was discouraged from playing the sports I wanted to play, or given "appropriate for girls" alternatives. Boo! So, for years I was a closet runner, no racing, I just did it because I liked it and it made me happy. I didn't have "running clothes" and maybe replaced my running shoes every two years. Only in the past 10 years, and particularly the past 5, have I really given myself over to the pursuit of athletic goals. I invested in training and really began to nurture that aspect of myself and I feel there's so much more I'm capable of. So, I'm doing this to test my abilities, see what I'm capable of, to get better. I'm no fan of progress for progress' sake, I don't want my toothpaste to be "new and improved" every year, but when it comes to my personal abilities, I get a lot of satisfaction from the work to improve my fitness. I enjoy hill repeats and track intervals, tempo runs and fartleks. I know they pay off and I feel great when they're done, but I actually enjoy doing them, too. For me, they are worth the sacrifices.
Point Two: Absolutely. It took me 1700 miles of the AT to get this one, but in Glencliff, New Hampshire, when my hiking partner, Journey, went home and it was just me, Gracie, and the unknown trail ahead (arguably the most difficult sections - with threats of water crossings that were deep, swift, and cold; possible early season snowstorms; a dwindling window of available time; and the most challenging terrain yet) I knew I had to continue and that I would continue unless I felt I was putting myself or my dog in danger. I had reached a state of peace about the hike - if something happened and we had to go home, I would be disappointed, but not devastated. It would all have been worth every moment. I felt it, I knew it: the Journey was truly the Destination. The friends I made, the miles, the bugs and rain, the months of aching knees, the sweat and the tears, the fear, elation, peace, pain, frustration, and joy, and yes, the food I was able to eat were worth every step taken. It is the same with my marathon training. Regardless of the outcome of the race, I have gained new friends, a new level of fitness from which to start training for whatever's next (I don't expect this to be my only marathon), and the delight of encouraging and nurturing something I love about myself. The satisfaction of dedicating myself to a goal, and persevering to see it through. Now that I think about it, running was one of the first things I did to really take care of myself - body, mind, and spirit. Which brings me full circle to my love of running, and why I ran so many years without racing. Granted, at the moment I am training for an ambitious time goal but ultimately, it's not about the clock.
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