After four months of training, including dealing with a nagging leg issue (Thanks, Dr. Moos!) and many, many "sweating into my shoes" long runs in the glorious Austin heat (Thanks, Rogue teammates!), this was supposed to be my pre-race wrap-up post. Turns out I won't even make it to the starting line. Monday morning I had a great, short easy run, in which I noticed how balanced my stride felt, how nothing was hurting. Gracie kept pace alongside and I cautioned a couple of glances at the pre-dawn stars, enjoying the cooler morning air, clear skies, the ease of breathing, of running. Sunday's outcome unknown, but the race plan rock-solid (Thanks, Coach Amy!). Monday night, as I bent to pick up a shoe, I felt something strange in my lower back. Then I REALLY felt it when I stood up. Ouch is an understatement!
Diagnosis: discogenic lumbar region, aka bulging disc. At least it's not herniated. To add insult to injury, the cold I've been holding at bay for the past three weeks has settled in full bore.
For the first time in my racing life, I will not be at the starting line of an event I registered for. I canceled my travel plans because sitting on a plane for several hours is unthinkable, much less running a marathon. Canceling the trip sucks as much as missing the race because I was realy looking forward to seeing trail family, Journey and The Saint. I've got a call in to the race organizers to find out if I can transfer my registration to next year's race, and I'm attacking my recovery like I would a Yasso 800.
I've been asked "what's the lesson in this?" I don't think there is one. Sometimes these things just happen, and what matters is how I deal with it. Acknowledging my progress. Many great things have happened over the course of the training season. Improved self-care (nutrition & rest), getting to know and run with an awesomely fun bunch of people, training with Coach Amy & Coach Rex, practicing patience with persistent injuries (I get to practice that some more!), improved fitness, a return to the ease and joy of running that I hadn't felt since my Thru-Hike, and learning that I don't know #%!&. Having my feelings. It's an understatement that I'm deeply disappointed to miss this race, I've shed some tears, shaken my fist at the universe, and probably will again, but none of the "what might have beens" diminish the victories of this traning season. Moving on. A wise coach taught me to consider what it might mean to miss a goal, and though this is a setback, it's a resolvable one. The Doc says we've caught the issue early and I can expect a 4-6 week recovery. I'm investigating things I can do to maintain my fitness while I heal, and I am still on the path, a stronger, smarter runner. Any big goal carries with it an element of risk, that's what makes it exciting to work toward, regardless of the outcome. Writing this entry. I will need to remind myself of all of this in a couple weeks when I'm depressed about not being able to run and in the thick of PT.
For my Rogue teammates and other friends who are gearing up for Twin Cities, Chicago, Nike, Portland, Columbus, Marine Corps, New York, San Antonio, and other fall races - run with heart!
It has been an honor and privilege to run with you, I'll be back as soon as I'm able.
The Rogue Blog has a great article on Dealing With Failure.
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